cause its casual fridayyy and im in a good mood
This morning,
So we had a bunch of regular mandatory army training for summer preparation and whatnot, but towards the last slide we had a suicide prevention class. Granted usually they are boring but today it was different. One of the senior NCO’s (senior ranking Sgt’s) talked about a story of a friend that almost committed suicide. He talked from beginning to end the whole story. How its always the quiet ones that need to talk mainly and how he walked into the hotel room and his friend had the gun in hand ready to commit yadda yadda yadda…. For some reason this story that he was telling, the whole time i had a rush of anxiety and depression just hit me and the whole story, i can just feel my heart racing. Along with flashbacks of the past when i almost committed and when i use to self mutilate myself with cutting. All that in one short story triggered it all. The depression, anxiety, flashbacks etc. Im not sure why it affected me in that way. I mean i’ve heard other people almost commit and i talk to a lot of people that used to cut, but if i were to really think about it, i think it was the fact that someone actually was there for that person that almost committed suicide. Someone was there and no one was there for me when i almost committed…..
Ask me something.
- 1. Last kiss
- 2. Last phone call
- 3. Last text message
- 4. Last song you listened to
- 5. Last time you cried
- HAVE YOU EVER:
- 6. Dated someone twice
- 7. Been cheated on
- 8. Kissed someone & regretted it
- 9. Lost someone special
- 10. Been depressed
- 11. Been drunk and threw up
- THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
- 15. Made a new friend
- 17. Laughed until you cried
- 18. Met someone who changed you
- 19. Found out who your true friends were
- 20. Found out someone was talking about you
- 26. What did you do for your last Birthday
- 27. What time did you wake up today
- 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for
- 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time
- 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life
- 32. What are you listening to right now
- 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now
- 35. Most visited webpage
- 36. Favorite colour
- 37. Nicknames
- 38. Relationship Status
- 39. Zodiac sign
- 40. Male or female
- 41. Primary school
- 42. Secondary School
- 43. High school/college
- 44. Eye color
- 46. Height
- 47. Do you have a crush on someone
- 48. What do you like about yourself
- 49. Piercings
- 50. Tattoos
- 51. Righty or lefty
- FIRSTS:
- 53. First piercing
- 54. First best friend
- 55. First hookup
- 56. First Bestfriend
- RIGHT NOW:
- 59. Eating
- 60. Drinking
- 61. I'm about to
- 62. Listening to
- 63. Waiting for
- YOUR FUTURE:
- 64. Want kids?
- 65. Get married?
- 66. Career
- WHICH IS BETTER:
- 67. Lips or eyes
- 68. Hugs or kisses
- 69. Shorter or taller
- 70. Older or Younger
- 71. Romantic or spontaneous
- 72. Nice stomach or nice arms
- 73. Sensitive or loud
- 74. Hook-up or relationship
- HAVE YOU EVER:
- 76. Kissed a stranger
- 77. Drank hard liquor
- 78. Lost glasses/contacts
- 79. Had sex
- 80. Broken someone's heart
- 82. Been arrested
- 83. Turned someone down
- 84. Cried when someone died
- 85. Fallen for a friend
- DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
- 86. Yourself
- 87. Miracles
- 88. Love at first sight
- 89. Heaven
- 90. Santa Clause
- 91. Kiss on the first date
- 92. Angels
- 93. How would you label yourself?
- 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For
- 95. Did you sing today
- 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About
- 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
- 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For
- 99. Are you afraid of falling in love?
- 100. Do you like the way you look?
I need to get some rest i have to be at formation earlier than usual but im not tired of sleepy…
My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!
Finally
all this joint commission stuff is over and i dont have to worry about being hassled about stupid stuff, well most of it anyways. Anyways, this isn’t the reason im typing this right now. So, today i filled out this paper that has different scales to measure stuff like depression, suicide, anxiety, etc. I was well above the cut off score for a “normal” person. It actually went up from last time i filled it out. Least my suicidal thoughts have decreased but everything is still the same or got worse. but the main thing to look at it is that i haven’t had as much suicidal thoughts. Granted, my anxiety has risen pretty high lately and with that anxiety and depression go hand in hand. So in actuality, my depression is getting worse and now i have anxiety….. Such a beautiful life we live everyday.
Oh and i looked up the criteria for Major Depression Disorder and i can be diagnosed with it since i literally match every part of it. It pretty much describes me.
A man can only take handle so much stress…
this week has been hell. I don’t know how much longer I can take of this working 13-15 hours a day having to deal with work and my own life problems. Sleep has gotten worse and all this anxiety isn’t healthy plus it’s not making any of my depression any better than it is… I just need a vacation..
Choppin it up late at night with the homie, talking about the women we were with and the things we did. Now that’s some therapeutic stuff right now. Talking about the good and wild things we did in the past.
and I’m over here with my salvaged ugly Accord I had to work for.
Lucky butts.
You’ve had enough money to buy a different car… you just have expensive taste in cars…
Yeah I can buy a different car but with the money I…
Well yeah but I think my car is nice for the price I got it at! haha I still don’t think I could afford anything over the year 2000.
i hate to butt in, but why not get a loan for a car? assuming you still have a job. Just ask your parents if they can co-sign. That’s what im doing when i buy my car when i come back from korea
